Dear friends,
Recently I had an experience which moved my heart very deeply. I feel I am very lucky. I would like to share this with you.
I spent a few days with a very close friend of mine. During those days, I felt a growing confusion inside myself. Several times there was anger coming up in me during our conversations. I’m not really used to this feeling. Most times when I feel injured, I react with fear or with a feeling of guilt, but not with anger. I was confused and irritated. One day, I felt this misbalance so extremely: My friend said only a few words that seemed to hurt me, and I knew already that she did not have that intention, she was calm. But suddenly I felt such a huge despair inside me that I screamed out loudly. In the same moment, I regret. I knew that my perception was wrong. I realized that such strong emotions cannot come from those few little words. The source of these feelings lays inside myself.
I saw the image of a big, deep lake inside me. The surface is calm and even. A little burning match is approaching. When it falls down into the lake, I can see that there is no water but gasoline. Suddenly the whole lake inflames. There was a deep aspiration arising in me to face all that suffering in the depth of the lake and to take care of it. I got very calm.
The next day, there was a similar situation. While my friend was talking to me, I recognized an unpleasant feeling in me. I had the impulse to concentrate on my heart and to make it stay opened. With each sentence, I felt a wave of injuring flowing towards me. My heart was open and I let the waves enter. A profound pain and sadness came up inside me, and I started to cry. In one moment, my perception changed. There were no waves any more. The feeling of being injured turned into a deep gratitude. The pain was relieved because I allowed it to be there, and I felt thankful for my friend for making this possible. I felt a deep healing. After crying for about 20 minutes, I saw the lake again. If there is water inside, the burning match will not be seen as a danger.
Through the concentration inside my heart, I feel the inner peace of the lake is nourished.
I feel a deep gratitude inside. It is deepening and expending. I want to return thanks to all beings for their presence. We are not alone. We can touch each other. Thank you.
A blooming Lotus from my heart,
Vanessa
