Dear Sangha, Dear Thay,
Yesterday, a part of our group decided to meet up in Rome to share an afternoon of mindfulness.
It is always a bit difficult to get out from my ordinary routine and consequently be able to organise all the things that need to be done; for me it’s difficult to find space and time to do everything I’d like…but this time I felt I really needed to find space and time as I really wanted to do that!
So I took my GPS, my car and started driving in the heavy traffic of Rome in order to see some old friends again and meet also new ones.
It was a while since the last time I had felt this drive, this enthusiasm, this desire for doing and “building new bridges”…. In fact, I think one of the biggest problems I’ve often experienced with the practice of mindfulness has been related to the feeling of loneliness when, for example, there were projects to be developed (I haven’t felt always this way, of course!) or alone with the weight of many responsibilities …and, loneliness is again, maybe, one the biggest reasons that can lead us to lose interest in the practice although practicing is such an amazing thing.
This “bad energy” is sometimes overwhelming and make me say things like: “Yes, I’m gonna do it later!“ or “Nice, but I don’t fancy it now!” and a lot of other excuses like these … for example: “I’m gonna do it only if you do it as well,” or “I’ll come only if I can and if everything is already prepared.”…. And so on…
In my life, I found myself to play part of the leader and the part of who is led. Sometimes I felt frustrated when I didn’t receive any feedback from people, but I also know that I’ve fed frustration of others every time I didn’t bother to respond, for example, to messages and invitations addressed to me.
I must also reckon that I’ve always had a difficult relationship with the practice. In fact, I could dare saying that I’ve experienced something similar to what sometimes happens in love affairs: at the beginning there is a lot of enthusiasm (but enthusiasm, like everything else, is not a permanent condition), and then there is a moment when we start also discovering bad qualities or difficult sides (with reference to the practice, for example: “That place is far away”, “Today there are no right conditions”, “If I’m alone I won’t go”, “ I’m not sure about my future plans”, “I don’t have any money”, “I have got no time” , “This is not what I’m looking for at this moment.”)
I imagine that everybody has felt something similar to this at some point, but obviously I’m only talking for myself so I don’t want offend anyone saying these things.
But even thoughts are made of the same paste as enthusiasm. In other words they are impermanent and what we need to remember is that the majority of the difficulties we experience and bad thoughts we may have are created by our mind, therefore by us and by our “will power.”
This is very good news: in fact, this means that we also have the power to change it!
Clearly, I’m not saying that we should sacrifice everything of ourselves or all aspects of our daily life, neither feel obliged to do things we don’t want to, but I’m saying that it’s more a matter of learning to cultivate the enthusiasm – which we feel instinctively at the beginning. Nurturing enthusiasm, we will be able to enjoy the benefits coming from this for a longer time.
This is exactly what happened to me yesterday: my enthusiasm was fed! Looking at other young people like me who practice mindfulness brought me back in time; the time when I started the long and difficult path of love and forgiveness towards myself. It made me feel the strength and the energy to be able to pause for a while and take care of myself in a different way. And I also felt there is an alternative way to carry on with the practice: that is possible to practice above and beyond enthusiasm and frustration (maybe all these feelings are only a temporary state, but I really hope not!).
Because it’s good for my health because I like it, because I feel stronger, because I don’t want to forget this part of myself, because it’s a lot easier if it is a lot of us together.
I don’t feel crazy for happiness, but I feel calm and I feel that I still need to continue feeding my enthusiasm. It’s gonna be easier if we are in a group and we help each other.
With joining hands,
Camilla
~*~
Thanks again for the time spent together and for everything we shared – silence, practice, experiences, smiles, hugs…..it was a pleasure meeting all of you!
I send all of you a big hug!
See you next time.
Laura
~*~
Dear Friends,
I’d like to share with you some thoughts about the meeting in Rome that has reunited all the small pieces of Wake Up Italy.
I’m grateful to everyone who was there and I know that somebody who joined us had to travel for many hours.
I’m grateful also to the part of myself who took care of this group of people.
I don’t feel any heaviness now…only a bit of frustration maybe….because I would have liked to be able to offer you something ..better (?)!!!
Ah Ah
Valentina
